Look What The Cat Dragged In......Brett Michaels!

When I was a little girl I had the biggest crush on Brett Michaels, and I thought that Poison was the most talented band that had ever graced MTV. Four grown men wearing very tight clothes and more make-up than my Avon loving guidance counselor Mrs. Delaney, their songs were full of sexual innuendos and that was intriguing to an 8 year old. I was, of course, too young to quite grasp everything they were singing about. I wasn't quite sure what was considered to be dirty talk, but I was confident in my assumption that it wasn't the usual toilet humor that the boys on the playground seemed to be so fond of. And, Brett was so pretty that I hoped that I would look just like him when I grew up. Thankfully that didn't happen and my crush on Mr. Michaels faded with time. Much like his career. But now, by a beautiful twist of fate, Brett has come back into my life with his reality dating show Rock of Love. With the help of unlimited alcohol and VH1, Brett hopes to find the special girl that has eluded him all of this time, and we get to be voyeurs during his quest.
Now, I am assuming that casting this show was a collaborative effort between VH1 and Brett. If not, then VH1 has incredibly insulted him time and time again. 90% of the women who are vying for his love are nothing more than tatted up coquettes with daddy issues and boobs grossly disproportionate to their bodies. Strippers looking for the love of a weathered rock star to complete their white trash fairy tale, just as they had always dreamt. I thought that Brett had learned his lesson after singing about loving and losing a stripper in, "Every Rose Has Its Thorn", but apparently that's not the case. But, I get it, this particular type of girl and their behavior is what makes this show so entertaining. Most of them are probably a step above what is swinging on the pole at your local strip club, and they are in their early to mid-twenties. Now I'm sure in stripper years that's probably around 35, but come on. Brett is 45 years old. Yes, he is a former (some would argue current) rock star, but he is sadly past his prime. I must admit that he has aged better than most, but I think that has more to do with eyeliner and fake hair extensions than clean living. And I don't care if his extensions are made of "the finest hair that Europe has to offer", it's still very creepy. Anyway, the other 10% of contestants are usually a bit more age appropriate, women who are living out their teenage fantasy. They usually have the most in common with Brett and share deep conversations with him about the real things in life, like their kids, but they have a hard time competing with the tarted up youngens. Although, last year the oldest of the bunch was the one who "rocked his world" more than anyone else. Obviously their love was fleeting, because here we are with season 3, which I couldn't be more thrilled about.
With the previous 2 seasons being held in a Hollywood mansion they have decided to shake things up this year by taking the girls on the road while Brett "tours". I had no idea before this show that Brett was still recording music and playing solo shows across the U.S. I thought that he had wandered into oblivion just like Kip Winger, but I guess he has managed to remain relevant to his former Poison fans while making a few new ones along the way. Even though they are on the road, he has still made it possible for the girls to participate in demoralizing challenges like Truck Stop Games and The Mudbowl. The prize is usually a group date with Brett, where 4 or 5 girls sit around waiting for their turn to make out with him. But, my favorites are by far the solo dates. Brett has been known to do really thoughtful gestures during these one on ones like sing his latest song to the lucky girl, take her to a tattoo parlor so she can get his name inked on her person or take her shopping for lingerie where he buys her outfit of choice, after trying on many possibilities of course. What girl could go back to the old dating ritual of dinner and a movie after that? Brett has mentioned before that music is his mistress, a dirty whore that has ahold of his heart, so the woman that enters into a relationship with him must be okay with taking a backseat to his one true love. Brett needs a woman that will help regulate his insulin to keep his diabetes in check and someone who can handle the backstage Betty's that run rampant at his shows. It's a tall order, but I think he has a really good chance of finding that special someone this time around.
In no way do I consider Rock of Love to be a guilty pleasure. I am not ashamed to be entertained by Brett's journey to find true love. I love that he asks girls if they will continue to rock his world before handing them the coveted backstage pass. I love that he tells them their tour ends here when he's no longer feeling it. Brett seems to be in on the joke and that's what makes this show so much fun. It's not all uptight and serious like the Bachelor. And after 20 plus years in the business of guitars and groupies a lot of what is shocking to me is probably just another day at the office to him. Brett, like us viewers, knows that finding a girl through ROL that he would forsake all others for is a longshot, but he is having fun for now. Who wouldn't? I'm sure that someday Brett will find the right woman for him, with or without the help of VH1. But until then, I hope he continues to rock my world every Sunday night.